Where did you get a picture of my penis
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
