I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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