Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
