I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
