It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
