i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
