Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
