for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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