He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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