the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
