At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
