i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
