Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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