just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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