Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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