Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My penis needs a shock collar
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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