she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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