Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
