If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
