I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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