Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
