she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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