He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
