so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
