Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
In America we eat man semen.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
