..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
