He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize