My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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