I bet he comes in French.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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