Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize