ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
