i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
