I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
