Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
