They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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