It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Your penis caused this!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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