I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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