There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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