So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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