i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
