just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
