I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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