I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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