I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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