There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
