saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
