so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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