i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
