I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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