shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
