I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
