Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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