Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize