Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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