I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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