So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
this is an emotional support booty call
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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