i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
