I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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