Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
