RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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