Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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