exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
