WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
