My liver just broke up with me...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
