Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
