I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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