I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize