I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
