dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
