No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
